What does it mean to be a "successful" woman?

When I fled the corporate world, I was lucky to have a friend who allowed me to work in his two San Francisco wine bars.  I'd never worked in the service industry before and I suddenly found myself serving women who bore an uncanny resemblance to the person I'd been mere months before.   I hate to admit it, but I was shocked at how affected I was by being treated as "just the bartender".  It wreaked havoc on my sense of identity and made me realize how much my self esteem had been built upon being "successful".

As the months have passed, I've done a lot of thinking about about "success".  Super-stylish women of the city come in together after work to chat about promotions, dating escapades, workouts, and travel plans.  I hear them one-upping each others' accomplishments as each flashes an engagement ring bigger than the next.  It all looks so perfect and glamorous but I know the truth because in a sense I used to be these women and I was not happy.  When I earned a big salary, had "senior" in my title, and looked the part, I was falling apart inside.  Traveling constantly, making it to the gym 4-5 times per week, dating, and maintaining an active social life left me feeling empty and exhausted.  I "had it all", but I didn't have the sense of meaning and connection that I craved.  So why, when I see people doing what I did, does it make me feel like such a... nothing?

I think this can partially be explained because I have yet to figure out what to replace my former life with.  Leaving the corporate world has been a lot like ending a relationship in that often times you really ache for who or what you left behind until the void is filled by a new love (or vocation or identity).  I believe that once I find a new direction in which to focus my energy and passion, reminders of the life I left behind will no longer feel so threatening so my sense of self. 

If leaving the corporate world after burnout is like leaving an unhealthy relationship, what is the best way to move on?  How does a woman in her mid-thirties who now lacks a prescribed identity and the outwards signs of "success" (i.e. title, salary, wedding band, kids) create a new life of meaning?