A year and almost a month ago, I quit my "real" job in the hopes of... what?  I'm not sure exactly but I recall hoping for things like finding myself, discovering my passion, etc.  I feel less wound up and like a lot of the tension I accumulated over eleven-plus years of fast-paced work has dissipated, but I'm still at a loss when it comes to what's next.  For one thing, I am finding that my formerly idealized stint in the nonprofit world is less than what I'd hoped for.  I am earning less than what I made the day I graduated from college in 1999 and am doing things that are better suited for someone a lot younger (and with far more physical energy!) than I have at this point.  I'm exhausted, I feel like I'm not using any of my skills, and I miss making enough so that I wasn't dipping into savings to pay for bare-bones insurance coverage.  I miss full medical with dental and vision...

What comes next?  I spent another hour in therapy (that I really can't afford) beating myself up for not being satisfied with what I'm doing and for having no idea what I'd rather be doing instead.  I left so upset that when it was half an hour until the next bus I just grabbed a cab (oh, not financially responsible in the current situation, no!) instead and made it my mission to get home from the day 12 hours and 15 minutes after I left in the morning for work, rather than 12 hours and 45 minutes.  I told the cab driver (who just happened to be a very adorable, young man with a fabulous foreign accent) where I was headed and he said, "When you say it that way we'll go any way you want."  In my emotionally susceptible (to say the very least) state, I felt like I'd been rude and just burst into tears.  He tried to explain that he meant that he liked the directness and that I was actually very sweet but I couldn't stop sobbing.  

The ten minute ride home was the actual therapy of the day.  This taxi driver proceeded to tell me I'm as "young as a button" and not to worry but to look ahead to the next thing.  "You think I want to drive a cab forever?  No!  I don't even like it-- who does?!"  He made me laugh and I told him he'd pretty much made my day, and not just for saying I was young either.  As he drove away he waved and smiled and reminded me not to be a taxi driver.  Noted.

I suppose there's no real point to this entry except to reflect on the fact that despite feeling like I'm stuck, I'm worlds from where I was a year ago.  Change takes time, 35 isn't so old, and my job is (thank goodness) temporary and over in 35.5 days.  Great learning experience, nice people, but not the thing for me.  On to the next...